The raw grief after deciding not to have a third child

I first tried to have a Mirena (contraceptive IUD) put in after I had my last baby five years ago.

I had the referral, had purchased the intimidating looking contraption (why does the box have to be so huge?) from the chemist and had it booked in right before an interstate move.

Seal the deal, not forever just until I was ready to have another one.

Then the removalists called and said they were coming on the day and time of my Mirena appointment and I needed to be at the house.

So, I moved my Mirena interstate with me and by the time I thought to have it put in again, too much time had passed and it had expired.

I think I never made another appointment to put it back in because I secretly and creepily thought that maybe an accidental pregnancy would be the way we would have our third. It never seemed like the right time, there was always a reason not to have another one.